Saved By The Spam Soldier…Almost

After living in a caffeine bubble for my whole life the last two weeks, my brain has adjusted to a whole new way of looking at things. For instance, my eyes don’t adjust to normal vision until I have hooked my system with a snort of caffeine every morning. Each morning I am at my weakest – totally blind and my BrainCells are asleep. This is generally the time when my friends, foes and family snicker evilly to themselves and ask for favours. There are countless some things I may have done/agreed to doing this morning without caffeine in my system ; after my first brush with caffeine I wake up to realise what I just agreed to is probably the worst idea known to humankind.

Exhibit A : I promised a friend I’d help her shop for books and abide for my self-imposed no-buying-new/old new books rule. I should have known this was as impossible as wishing my CeleryStick of a cousin would eat a slice of buttered bread (She gulps air and feels full!). I am now the proud owner of Gorky’s Mother and Alice Munro’s Dance Of The Happy Shades while my friend is still wondering which book she needs to buy.

Exhibit B : I was manipulated blackmailed asked to re-activate my Facebook account after a year of protesting against it (What part of legal poking is fun to you?). I violated my rule # 8974 Section D-12 To never activate my Facebook account under any amount of flattery, coaxing or pressure. If I do otherwise my eyes will kill themselves”. The first thing I get hit by is this picture. And I decided to never set foot in Facebook again. End Scene. Though it helped release my inner sanctum of crabbiness on the entire world – which was wholly deserving of my crabbiness in my defense – I was left with a feeling of complete loss in humanity. Well the boy section of humanity anyway. (This picture was a boy’s idea of humour. The consequent rant-a-e-mail that I sent him was my version of funny).

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HOW is this funny!? Along with the legal peeping-tom-ism encouraged by Facebook, Jaded16 now presents to you the lowest form of intelligence known to humankind. If you find this picture funny, please leave my blog NOW.

Exhibit C : I decided to open my Spam box which was waving neon signs at my face as I tend to ignore it completely without coffee IV drip  hooked in my arm . And along with breast enlargement ads, pamphlets to Vajazzalising salons, ads to buy cheap condoms – anyone besides me notice a pattern to my Spam mail? – I did find my first fan mail. At first, I was confused to see why was the e-mail in my Spam box. After reading three lines I saw why my darling little SpamSoldier decided the mail was unfit to reach my eyes. For the general pleasure of making my little corner of the world as nincompoop-free as possible, I’ve decided to re-post parts of the e-mail as well as have my deep insightful thought process alongside. Let the mockathon begin –

1) “… I like the way you write. It reminds me of a stand-up comedienne. Somehow, I don’t know HOW but you’re funny, being a girl and all. Well, I can see you’re an exception…obviously. Because when girls try to be funny, they just cannot be, you know funny” — Besides being the oh you know, the smartest guy on the planet to figure out repeating words can give the impression that you might know something after all, you are also – I’m sure every self-respecting woman would agree –  a victim of the CabbageBrain syndrome. And you thought we Ladies couldn’t crack a smile. Look who’s laughing now?

Does this look a bit too much like you?

Does this look a bit too much like you?

2) ” … Though I think Feminism is a waste of time, I like the way you think. You don’t seem to be like those man-hating, unshaved freaks. I sometimes agree with what you say, though I think it would save you a lot of energy to talk about Feminism in every blog post, if you could just do what you do best – try to make people laugh” — What if I say I look like this?

Oh I have a mustache and a beard too.

Oh I have a mustache and a foot long beard too.

What’s with looking like a perfectly shaved Barbie all the time? Sometimes I like that I look like The Yeti. At least that makes the number of nincompoops that I encounter that day far less than the day when I’ve been plucked, waxed and glazed like a shiny floor.

3) “… One thing that I’ve noticed about your blog is that it doesn’t come off as Indian at all. Which is why I was shocked to read that HPV vaccines post you made about YOUR government. That’s when I realised you were an Indian chick. You don’t sound Indian at all. Which is good” — Before I mention the CabbageBrain syndrome again – can you explain how does one sound anything at all on a blog? Unless you can hear Appu in your head all the time. If you mean that I don’t adhere to your fetish-ist version of Indian “chicks” who are subservient, seductive and absolutely submissive; if I’ve shattered your notion that Indian girls can think of things beyond marriage, children and cooking then I hope you don’t get hurt living outside a bubble.  And if you think all Indian women can’t think beyond their wedding day and are constantly dreaming of looking like this picture, then I hope you have a nice time in La-La land as that is where you are headed.

There is more to Indian women than just being BrideBarbies. Of course that will never occur to you.

There is more to Indian women than just being BrideBarbies. Of course that will never occur to you.

4) “… I hope you continue writing. I like the way you think. Just these days you’re talking a lot about Feminism and that kind of things. I liked you better when you were critiquing movies. Maybe you should stick to that” — I am literally at a loss of words. Oh no, here are some : #*$%~>#, *&%@!*, #*$%~>#, *&%@!*#*$%~>#, *&%@!* and #*$%~>#*&%@!*.

Last words to my Fan –

Jaded16 sends you her @$&*^@~  best wishes and hopes that you’ll always stay out of her Inbox. For the sake of her sanity at least.

Learn from me people. If your SpamSoldier puts an e-mail out of your eyesight, it’s for a reason. Otherwise you’d spend your whole morning cursing yourself for –

  • Opening the e-mail.
  • Opening the e-mail without a cup of coffee in reach.
  • Opening the e-mail when there is NO more coffee left in the house.

And next time one of you decide to write to me, make sure you’ve proofread for any Misogyny, Sexist leanings and Racial subtexts. Otherwise, the same thing will happen to the CabbageBrain up here. *Indian Warrior Woman ahem “Chick” always has the last word*.

I Got Published In Womanist Musings!

Author’s Note : Jaded16 knows that today is two days away from her promised hiatus end. But, she got some fabulous news down on her end and after much squealing grown-upesque  contemplating she decided to post her published article on Womanist Musings. It’s a kick-arse blog that she has been e-stalking legally following since quite a while. Apparently if you e-stalk legally follow it enough, the writer gets tired and just asks you to write a post for her already. Some people believe in perseverance, Jaded16 preaches e-stalking legal following. Keep your young away from me if you have any sense. Heh.

This is my article cross – posted from Womanist Musings.

Peddling Women’s Vaccines, Lies and Death in India.

This is the ad campaign used with Cervical Vaccination shots all over India from July 2009.

Out in the West, India is peddled to unsuspecting and slightly simple – minded tourists as the country of Slumdog Millionaire, mass girl fetus murders, the biggest slum dwelling in Asia and now to add to our list we’ve got using innocent girls as lab rats to test a vaccine. Not that any of these claims are untrue; just that the tourism departments of the world over need a good kick you-know-where for being so creative.

The Government hosted a health awareness drive in alliance with PATH last July in the three remote districts of Andhra Pradesh and Gujarat. The goal was to vaccinate 14,000 girls against cervical cancer. What is interesting about the choice of these districts is most of them are either rural or tribal areas (except one zone Thirumalayapalem which is an urban zone) where the target masses are often illiterate and poor. Another point to mention that a similar campaign is on in Peru, Uganda and Vietnam. The vaccine Gardasil, the commercially licensed HPV vaccine produced by Merck Sharp and Dohme (MSD) was given in the selected zones only whereas it was marketed all over the country.

  1. The American Chronicle on February 27, 2010 wrote, “Reports are coming in on a daily basis of young girls and women affected by adverse reactions to the HPV vaccine”.
  2. The Guardian on September 29, 2009 wrote, “An investigation has been launched after a 14-year-old girl died upon receiving a cervical cancer vaccination” and lastly ;
  3. The Lancet reports on February 2010, “We will not know for many more years whether HPV vaccination will prevent cancer or, in the worst case, do harm”. In fact The Lancet went as far as to suggest that developing countries should allocate their allotted resources to cervical screening rather than HPV vaccination, until it’s proven that HPV vaccine helps prevent cervical cancer. It seems like NO ONE in India read these articles. Or if they did, they decided to administer these vaccinations anyway.

These vaccines have numerous side-effects including epileptic fits, blood disorders, arthritis, neurological disorders and seizures. In more than two reported cases, this vaccine was fatal; however these deaths were finalized as “suicides” by doctors and the postmortems alike. Their evidence: the epileptic fits which were a result of the vaccine is now used as an indicator of insanity thus clearing the Government or PATH of any blame. This issue was brought to the forefront by TEHELKA’s brave journalism.

Upon questioning the motive behind introducing an expensive vaccine like Gardasil in India, the PATH representatives have been cited saying, “The study is conducted to generate critical data and experience for evidence-based decision-making about public sector immunization programmes as part of a broader cancer-of-the cervix prevention and control strategy. Similar studies are being conducted in Peru, Uganda and Vietnam. This is to simply keep India prepared for the day when these vaccines become affordable.”

There have been reports that state around 120 students developed complications after the vaccination — ranging from epileptic fits, allergies, diarrhea, dizziness and nausea. Dr. Shekhar associated with the Nallipaka PHC, who had a target of 2,400 children but could manage only 1,800 till February 27, adds: “Many developed complications, but we don’t know if they turned serious since we aren’t in touch with the girls.”

Somehow no one paused to ask if there were any side-effects to these drugs? Was the full consent of these minor girls and their parents taken? Were they informed choices? Or this drug was taken under the assumption that “The Government knows best”? After all no Government would want to expose its population to a drug which was faced much music in many countries, would it?

I am so angry to see how the Government could just use the lives of countless girls to experiment on and to test a drug! PETA and other animal rights organizations disapprove of such trials on animals and here our Government has sanctioned to use girls –PEOPLE – as laboratory animals?! Is it because as girls and women, we have no agency over our bodies or the culture and by extension sees us as “disposable”, “usable” commodities? Another problem lies in the fact that most of these zones are some of the country’s most poor and illiterate places. The drug administers hand-in-glove with the Government has doubly, hell, fool proofed their agenda. There is absolutely no way in which these people could retaliate. I can imagine similar situations in Peru, Uganda and Vietnam. The drug was pulled out of the UK, USA and Australia once the media started raising reasonable doubts in the minds of the people. India however has nothing more radical then just ban the ad campaign under the grounds of “fomenting fear” while continuing to use girls as their personal experiment.

This is the country that has a Female President and whose legislation that is undergoing drastic changes in the Women’s Reservation Bill at the moment, but, prefers to keep such matters under wraps. I wonder if the Government would have allowed encouraged such an experiment had the lives of Indian men and boys had been at stake. My name is Jaded16 for a reason.

For further information on this vaccine and its consequences read TEHELKA’s article.

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